Dealing with loss of friends and the affect mentally

its been a tough couple of months to say the least and I’m certain everyone has so much going on wether it be financial struggles work school COVID or just life getting the best of us. myself have had a pretty rough few months it’s definitely taken it’s toll it’s starting to really hit me mentally and becoming a domino affect on business work friendships personal life. I’ve recently lost two of my closest friends one I tried to save on a jobsite I was in charge of a work place accident that cost him his life due to someone else screw up it was beyond difficult having to give his parents and partner the news and it’s still very fresh in my mind I feel responsible for it I’ve been fighting my own thoughts asking myself am I ? I made sure I checked everything was done right on that job but I keep asking myself did I really do enough ? What could I have done more to prevent it ? So many questions but I just can’t seem to find the answers for them. The second loss Was due to a COVID vaccine a very dear friend of mine who was a boxer a very fine one i must add training for a world title this kid had the world in his hands and was smart to know what to do with it carried himself with pride grace and a tonne of heart and charisma. after getting the COVID vaccine the day after he began his usual training wake up a good breakfast even practiced meditation did the usual roadwork in the morning for anyone that doesn’t know roadwork is what boxers call the training it can mean any type in this case he went for a run and ten minutes in the run the vaccine had caused clotting which lead to a brain aneurism. which leads me to my question in the post how does everyone feel about have you guys suffered anything like this from the shot. After all of what’s happened I’ve become sort of with drawn I haven’t really been able to talk to anybody because well…it’s been really hard and in my mind I know people have it worse off even talking to my best friend I just seem to struggle to make the phone call or txt because again it’s hard and people go through things I’m worried about losing friends. It’s affected what I do in general to my job skating even music. So if anyone of you guys have any advice or could shed some light that would be awesome Thankyou so much for taking the time to read